The retired drama queen…

It is really easy you know! Just do like what some people do
to me.

First ask me about when I will get pregnant for more than 5
times in a week. Then launch a lecture on why we should have a baby as early as
possible each and every time we meet.

On top of that you can also tell me how to plan for my life
in vivid details expressing the well known taboo saying that if a lady delays her pregnancy for a few months’ chances is she will never get a child at all.
Please tell that to me as though my highest education level is standard 3 mid
term exam and there is not a slightest chance that I may even be smarter than you; in which you just don’t know it because all these while I have been respecting your feelings!

For best result (the pontianak of me will not only haunt you but your next 7 generations as well); you can teach
me the optimum way of MAKING A BABY. Please do it casually as though you are
teaching me how to make cekodok pisang, make sure not a speck of shame sprinkle
out of you while blather on and on about the dos and donts of getting conceived.
And while you are at that, don’t forget to ignore the utter look of repugnance
(at this point I begin to reach out for my samurai sword already and beginning
to hate you very-very much already) that is displaying on my greenish blue
face.

If you believe in a lot of other extremely stupid taboos and
ridiculous tips of planning your baby’s sex according to the orbit of the moon,
don’t hesitate to teach me, I will automatically puke not only blood but use my
toes to tear out my ears as well.

 For implementing above methods, please utilize all the
channels of communications that are available in this century, not only when
meeting me face to face but when you call me on the telephone, by text msg, by
yahoo messenger and hey! Don’t forget I do check my mails regularly!!So write me at length all about there-is-nothing-in-this-planet-that-you-can-do-but-be-obsessive-about pregnancies!

The last time a friendly soul did this to me I did not wait
till I start to puke. Instead I just avoid that freaking person all together. So I
guess these simplified methods not only applies when you want me dead of compulsiveness
but simply if you just want to get rid of me or me getting rid of you.

Happy Trying!!

‘Belum habis lagi berpuasa Datin CT telah pun mendapat kuih raya
hadiah dari Datuk K. CT
tersangat happy. Nak tahu kuih apa?’‘Batang Buruk’…. read more at www.diyanazman.com

I think this comic strip is so brilliant… It is hilarious!

I have been in this kind of situation at the office once too
often and I definitely understand the torture of endless workplace ennui. It
starts as early as 9am, the moment my scrawny bottom touches my chair two
invisible lumps of substance in the size of Ayers Rock automatically take place
on both my eyelids. Once they are there, there is no amount of caffeine can eradicate
them. Only latest gossips, bitching about the late paycheck, bitching about being
underpaid, shopping spree planning and discussions of euphoric party experience
can temporarily remove these rocks that are commonly known as sleepiness. And
just the cartoon above, here is my version of office journey of survival like:

9am : Switch on
Computer

10am: Think about our next mountain climbing vacation and
how to look gorgeous while panting for oxygen

11am: Think about how
to make my favourite person in the whole world look and sound stupid in the next meeting without sounding
intimidating

12pm : Think about Azman he is so yummy

1pm: Think about shoes and how to have shoes that match all
my baju raya without buying a pair for each

2pm: Think about Hazrina who is already in Penang for raya, dammit she is so fast

3pm: Think about nasi lemak with sambal and rendang daging

4pm : Think about what to have for berbuka 

4.55pm : Switch off computer

hahahahaha!

Have you ever driven for almost two hours in a journey that
should just take 20 minutes? I do two times a day. Have you ever felt the agony of
wanting to pee but you can’t because you’re stuck in traffic that’s moving at
0.5km per hour? I know the feeling so well. Have you ever felt so hungry while
driving in your car that is creeping to nowhere for so long till that dolly
hanging on your rearview mirror looks delicious? I almost chew on my steering wheel.

 That is me. I have blood sugar deficiency. I cannot tolerate
hunger unless the night before I’ve recited niat puasa. And that is the reason why
I am a devoted pasta lover. Spaghetti, to be precise. Very easy to make, little
time consuming. And to make my life even simpler I get those canned spaghetti
sauces from the supermarket. 

The irony about off the shelf food is that they usually lack
in essential ingredients or perhaps just not up my standard. So as much as I
feel like gulping it down the moment I reach home, I still improvise the flavor
a little bit in order to make the chewing, swallowing process a satisfying
pleasure. Here is how I do it. 

I get a can of Preego Spicy Mushroom and Tomatoes serves 4. Coarsely
I chop a medium sized red onion and sauté in minimum olive oil with a cup or
more of minced beef/chicken. When cooked, drain the oil and pour in the sauce,
let it simmer for a while then pour some beef stock. Add some sliced mushroom
for the ones in the sauce are just not enough for me. I also add lots of white pepper
and let it cook on medium flame.

 And then I am done lah!

 For the spaghetti just boil like usual and to check if it’s
ready, hold one strand loose against a wall, if it sticks then they are ready.
Easy!

 This one tastes really good, because it’s spicy enough for
my Malaysian liking and the generous amount of yummy beef and chunky mushroom
is something I never get when eating out. Serve with grated parmesan. Cooking
time < 20 minutes. Hubby comes home dinner is ready. Everybody happy! Happy
happy happy!!

Happiness is receiving free wireless internet service from a
generous neighbor. Whether he is truly generous or unaware that wireless signal
can be password protected I cant tell  but either way I am still very happy.

When I called home the other day my seven year old nephew,Adam insisted
to speak to me. He spoke in such childish sincerity that he was going to mail
some chocolate coated strawberries from Penang just for me.The strawberries were some of the goodies that my sister
brought home from her trip to Cameron Highlands and not a
delicacy we got to enjoy everyday.

I was sure there wasn’t so many and he still had to share
with his brother but naughty rowdy Adam thought of me! And he had the intention
of going through all the trouble of sending them by post just for me!!

At that very moment my heart swelled with so much love and
happiness that my eyes almost brimmed with tears…

I tried to recall when was the last time something so simple
yet so meaningful had touched my soul, and I couldn’t. We live in a life that
we try our best to make it complicated. We set out standards high and would die
trying to achieve it and in the process we abandon all the momentous events that
really worth more than diamonds and gold.

It had been a long time since I last spent some time with my
nieces and nephews and I missed them terribly. I believe Adam wanting to share
his candy with me even with hundreds of miles stand between us was a seven year
old’s way of telling that he was missing me too.

And knowing that is true happiness…

If I were to organize a beauty pageant contest in
Penang I would include “Being able to indulge herself
with Nasi Kandaq and spicy curries” as one of the preliminary qualifying
requirements.

And if I was one of the contestants I would no way get my
butt into the second round simply because I was born with a shitake mushroom
for a nose but never because I lack appreciation in curries. 

From all the years I spent in Penang,
I’ve grown to create a personal devotion for the food. The occasional crave
that I experience may have been resulted from all the kaskas I consumed at Kayu
and Pelita but the kaskas-free ones I make at home help as well.

Here is the recipe of World Simplest Beef Curry for future
reference of myself and if Friendster hangs on long enough; perhaps for my unborn
daughter Mika and of course other amateur cooks like me..hehe…

Ingredients:
Sliced beef
Diced Potatoes
Curry Powder for meat/poultry
Shallot
Garlic
Ginger
Lengkuas – rhizome spice plant like ginger but I don’t know
what people call it in  English
Fresh turmeric
Tomato sauce
Coconut milk
Beef stock
Cooking oil

Methods:

Blend shallots, garlic, ginger, lengkuas and a bit of fresh
turmeric,
Thaw the beef properly or boil with some sugar to soften if
necessary,

(remember repetitive chewing on tough meat is sooo not sexy!)

Sauté the blended paste till fragrant in cooking oil,
Then add the Curry Powder, sauté till well cooked,
Add beef and pour in beef stock,
Add potatoes,
Add tomato sauce,
Add coconut milk and stir,
Add salt&sugar to taste
No msg please, losing hair is such a no-no!!
Simmer on small to medium flame till beef is tender and
potatoes are cooked.

All done!! Isn’t this recipe the easiest one? For me the
lengkuas is an additional must to it because the lengkuasy aroma in the curry
is oh so yummy! If any of you knows what it is called in English pls let me
know. The tomato sauce meant to thicken the gravy texture and balancing the
sour essence. Bon appetite… 

Yesterday 30^th September, I went to a perfume
warehouse sale at Queen’s Park in Cheras. Yes Cheras! Bloody hell Cheras, the
traffic was crammed like lumps of cholesterol in Fat Joe’s artery. Not to
mention there was hardly any directional sign that’s actually useful and the
map on handout was freaking wrong.

 Joi, Yuzmin’s boyfriend was driving. If Min was a devil, she
could easily get promoted as the Head of Ministry of Luring People to Shop until
they turn Broke in hell. She excelled amazingly in getting my hungry fasting
butt to the sale with very little effort.

But its really not fair for me to blame her, I was quite
tergedik-gedik to go as well, what kind of sensible female mind that doesn’t get
excited with the idea of a hall full of branded fragrances selling at 80% off
normal price? In fact I have been to similar
one last year that was held in Kelana Jaya and not Bloody–Cheras-Jalan-Jam-Macam-Nak
-Mampos. But then I went with my then fiance and he stopped me from behaving like a kid in a candy store. This year, Min and Joi were all devilishly encouraging. 

There were so many crazy assed people in there and the queue
to cashier was like 20 meters long and moving in the speed of a Siput Sedut
climbing out the ice box at Giant hypermarket. Even Anfaal and Shiera were
there too.hehe! As soon as we got into the shop lot, Joi decided that he better
start queuing.

We didn’t take so long choosing the ones we wanted to get.
In fact we hardly choose. We just grab the perfumes into our arms before
another big spender got hold of it. There were perfumes, make-up and skin care
products from Jean-Paul Gaultier, Kenzo, Carolina Herrera (my favourite), CK,
Bvlgary, Davidoff, J-lo, Christian Dior, Paco Rabanne just to name a few. 95%
were priced below 100 ringgit. It was raving mad. Yuzmin the devil had taken me
to heaven.

I was so desperately tempted to get more but I thought of
the people in Africa that hardly get a chance
to bathe apatah lagi nak pakai minyak wangi. At last I narrowed down to only 3
:

Paco Rabanne’s Fluoressense Ultraviolet 80ml edt for RM80. Like 10 bucks for I0 ml?
Davidoff’ Coolwater Woman 50ml edp for Rm95 only
Carolina Herrera’ Carolina 100ml edt and free handbag for amazing RM85
and
Body & Soul’s lipstick in honey brown for RM15.

Yuzmin bought 5 or 6.

Usually when I bought stuff that seriously do not need, Id
feel rather guilty but this time I guiltily feel not guilty at all. Who asked
them to sell all these goodies for so bloody cheap price??? It was not my
fault! And Yuzmin dear, sorry about the entry’s title, you are actually such an
awesome friend. I just need someone to blame for my overindulgence.